Reading parts of this play out loud with some classmates was far more enjoyable than I expected. We got to laugh quite a bit at one another, and it certainly helped me to recognize more of the subtle humor contained in the dialogue.
Act II contained a lot of things that really accent the “laugh, then realize it’s really not that funny” concept. I have some trouble deciding how much I actually do laugh at myself, so I can’t figure out what is okay to laugh at otherwise. The very end of the story seemed open to me the first time I read it, but upon my second go, it hit me as very final in its openness. I could help but think, “John and Mary die. John and Mary die. John and Mary die.”
The compassionate love I feel from Jack towards Arnold in the last scene was heart wrenching to me. When Arnold tells Jack that he has “behavior patterns better than a lot of people” I felt a warm smile cross my face. Then, when Jack and Arnold walk away from the train station together, the announcement of the train’s destination and Arnold’s glance back really hit me! It was a strange feeling, and I’m not sure what it was founded on. Maybe it was just the fact that I was visualizing it so well. I could really see the scene, and really feel the really wide mix of emotions in the scene. There is certainly a great deal of contrast between different feelings there.
I’m trying to consider how this reading will further prepare me for our field trip, but I’ve yet to see it. If I’m completely honest, I am a little apprehensive about it. I really have no idea why, and I do see that it is totally irrational, and I can’t pinpoint a real reason, but I just tend to be uncomfortable around the mentally handicapped. I’ve worked with mentally handicapped before, even instructed them in martial arts classes, but I just feel weird. One theory I came up with was invasion of my bubble. I have a very small bubble, but in most situations, I don’t like people in it. I think martial arts might have thickened this bubble, but it’s never really a problem for me. Well, the only mentally handicapped folks I’ve ever worked with love to put their arms around me, touch me, hug, etc. I see this as very sweet of them, but I’m absolutely on edge the entire time it’s happening. My muscles are tense, and I know I’m in a heightened autonomic state. With everyone else I can step away without initiating a game of tag, or ask for a little space without perplexing the person. I suppose then that leaving my comfort zone will do me some good, but I like my bubble, and I’m not sure I want it popped. Maybe I just want to learn how control the intensity of my bubble in different situations.
Perhaps that apprehension is some of the "unlabeled fear" I talked about in my notes on the play: "One of the fears has to do with not wanting to say or do the wrong thing around or toward them." Maybe it is, anyways. At any rate, I appreciate your reaction to the play and your honesty about your feelings.
ReplyDeleteI thought it might be that, but then I realized, if your heart is in the right place, it's usually difficult to offend them. They want to give you a million chances, and they usually see the good.
ReplyDeleteHowever, understanding that intellectually, doesn't mean I can live it out, even if I don't recognize that I can't.